July 2019
At this writing I am nearing 18 months since brain surgery. What was once a pipe dream is my reality: a brain that doesn’t misfire! A year and a half out, 17 and a half years since diagnosis…the emotions have been so intense, pulsating in excitement, jubilee, and recently a feeling of discomfort when I read other survivors’ stories.
I’ve found great support in connecting with other epilepsy survivors online, and knowing my seizures weren’t so uncommon. I’ve made a few great friends too. Now, I feel a bit like an outsider. And the stories just break my heart, make me want to reach out and give everyone a virtual hug. I feel bad that I have it so good now.
I hate seeing other walking through the sludge when I’m living seizure-free. I hate hearing about friends’ seizure episodes and reactions to their meds, because I know that misery. I hate seeing others in bondage when I have this new freedom.
What do I even call it? Survivor’s guilt? Maybe that’s too strong a term, but I’m going to roll with it. Those years of seizures were quite traumatic at times, now I feel like I’ve been given a new lease on life. I just wish I could give this gift to everyone dealing with chronic conditions. I only pray to God to help me not waste what I’ve been given.
I love you Zanna! I admire your strength and courage…
Zanna, I'm going to try to word this the way I'm feeling it. I understand what you're saying and the emotions you're experiencing, but what you're giving to others with epilepsy is HOPE. If it weren't for you, the people you talk to wouldn't be able to see a light at the end of their tunnel. They are vicariously feeling your joy and freedom, and realizing that, because of the miracles of modern medicine, they will probably also be free of the burden you knew. You're the one connection they have to the possibility of a life without seizures. I'm not saying don't feel bad. Oh wait! That IS what I'm saying!!! I love you, Zanna.
Love you forever honey!
Fran, you gave no idea how much you warm my heart. Love you, dear friend.
Suzanna, you are right, it is survivors guilt, but God does not want you to have it. You have been given a precious gift. There is no guilt to be found in receving that! You have been given this to shine brighter than you've ever shined before! Own your victory and shun that guilt, it has no place here amongst the blessed! <3
Love you so much!
WOW ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS I HAVE NEVER BELIEVE IN HERBAL REMEDIES. my son have been a patient of epilepsy . I had tried a lot of anti viral med prescribed to me by doctors over how many years now but I could not see any improvements in my son symptoms. One day when going through the internet , i got to know about this great Herbal Dr who uses his herbal remedies in curing people from epilepsy,quickly i contacted him and he prepared a herbal medication for my son which i received and he used it as instructed by dr williams. After few weeks the improvement were very visible. the sleepiness and the abnormal behavior stooped ,on thing now he is so full of life. I would recommend this to all my friends,families,around the globe suffering from epilepsy.you can contact him through his email on drwilliams098675@gmail.com.for advice and for his product THANKS TO YOU ONCE AGAIN DR WILLIAMS