Epilepsy control

We all like to be in control…And most of us function better with some regularity and predictability in life; you don’t have to be a “control freak” to recognize this. I’ve seen this truth solidified since becoming a parent; kids thrive with routine. And you’ve undoubtedly heard someone tell you “control is an illusion”- which is also true; so much of life and relationship is out of your hands. It’s a strange paradox.
And nothing teaches you the myth of control like having an uncontrollable health condition. Epilepsy is notoriously difficult to manage, even with the ongoing advances in neurology. “Epilepsy fails to come under control in about one-third of cases…” according to the Epilepsy Foundation.

Many years ago now, I went through a difficult and painful battle with an eating disorder.  It was several years of pain and battling inner demons and obsessions before I finally went inpatient, which pulled me out of my lowest place. I learned a LOT about letting go. It was the most humbling experience of my life.

Until epilepsy hit. Suddenly I was completely out of control again, but this time I had no choice, no ability to redirect, and there was no comfort in phrases like “this too shall pass” or the trite “one day at a time.”
  Those words don’t help when you get on the bus thinking “I hope I don’t have a seizure in front of everyone today”… or when you have a seizure and lose bladder control at work, a few days into a new job…When you long for a baby, but don’t know how that could ever happen unless your seizures are “controlled”.
I battled each of those situations, sometimes gracefully but often not. The answers would not come easily, or in the way I hoped.