Remember that excitement and counting the days till your 16th birthday, that oh-so-magical new freedom of driving? I enjoyed that privilege for seven years, then epilepsy stole that freedom. Thus began my daily lesson in asking for help.
In Colorado, the rule is “3 months seizure free” before you’re clear to drive. If you told me it would be another 16 years before I would get behind the wheel, I would not have handled it well.
I was sure that some medication would take hold and I’d be free, but sadly that was only a pipe dream. Over the years my attitude about needing help would change greatly, but initially I fought it tooth and nail. Look at my journal:
     “I’ve got to be ok with depending on others which I have an inner struggle about. It’s humbling for sure. I hate relying on everyone for rides! And this is my place right now. I’m not really angry—more frustrated, annoyed by the lack of freedom & the smothered feeling I have when getting into someone’s car. Sometimes I can let it roll off…I’m just tense, and I think, funny how traffic can be so annoying and now I wish I could drive in it!”

I battled my mental strife and had more than a few frustrating episodes with transportation. I felt as though I was the eternally needy woman, a hassle for people to deal with. Let’s see, who haven’t I asked for a ride lately? Did she drive me last week? Have I used her help too much?”  And then I’m battling not only the seizures, but the mental anguish of having a condition with no known cure. Understandably, my mindset was quite dismal.

I think I was hell-bent on proving something. You’ve done it too, let’s be real. In our fiercely independent culture, that’s how we roll. This isn’t too much for me, I think I’ll be fine on my own. Honestly, friends, there is no shame in needing help; there is something precious about learning inter-dependence. It would take a long time for me to embrace this idea. I’ll unpack it more as the weeks go by here. But the challenge is, can you and I graciously ask for and give help when needed?